those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
as a side note pls kill me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
