i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
