I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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