the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
someone owes me an orgasm
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize