Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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