White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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