I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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