gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
