My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
