tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
