he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
