Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
high people should be assigned attendants
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
