I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
