Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
