Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am available for nakedness
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
