To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
