she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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