You just made me feel so damn special
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
