My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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