Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
