70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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