If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
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SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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