Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
