If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
