Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
