You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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