I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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