we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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