The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
