tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
