I puked a lego.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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