Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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