a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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