She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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