Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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