That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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