Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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