i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
