Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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