I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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