I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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