I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
