Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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