so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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