At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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