So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
