I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast