you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
