we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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