i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
this will be a night to untag.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.