Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!