Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
