I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
