SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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