The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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