WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
