btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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