Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
