She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
