??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
