im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
