I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
