He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize