I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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