i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
