Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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